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Please Don’t Give Your Kids To Me

10 Jul

Generally the mention of small children makes me gag. Maybe it’s because my biological baby clock is not yet ticking (thankkkk youuu), but I just don’t go krazy for kids. I most enjoy these tiny people when I am able to hold them, and then hand them right back over to mom when they start to cry or decide to use my lap as a toilet. So I was more than thrilled when I attended my cousins baby shower today, free baby hugs and I don’t have to take them home..SCORE.

Instead of writing cards, the idea was to buy a few children’s books so that the new parents could start a collection. How cuteeee…of course my Mom, sister and I decided to give away this little gem.

Nighty Night

 Samuel L. Jackson is also available to read this book to your kids in case you happen to be too tired. I just about died when I heard about this book via a co-worker, and it was even funnier finding it at Barnes and Noble. It was embarrassing enough buying the book from the little old man at the counter, but when my “book suggestions” on my receipt said that I would enjoy Sh*t My Dad Says and Chelsea Handler’s My Horizontal Life (great book, read it!) it’s becomes clear that I am not fit to be a mommy…at least not now. So while you are expecting Goodnight Moon or some Baby Einstein educational videos; I giggle as you open your completely inappropriate gift.

P.S. I love babysitting! Feel free to call me.

Other books that I would definitely buy that should never be given to children:

B is for Beer

Baby Mix Me a Drink

Pat the Zombie

Strangers Have the Best Candy

Obviously I would never not that you would find out read any of these to children. But come on- how funny. Next time you are browsing in Barnes & Noble take the time to read Go the Fok To Sleep..it’s worth the dirty looks from the offended parents.

Do you think “adult” children’s books are funny, or completely unnecessary?

-Nicole

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Responses to “Please Don’t Give Your Kids To Me”

  1. thedairyqueenmama July 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm #

    Go the F to sleep is in the regular rotation around our house… Maybe I’m not fit to be a mommy, either? 😉

  2. kelcgoestospain July 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA omg omg omg omg dying laughing! also i am not letting you watch my kids.. you will be the crazy cool aunt nicole who gives them candy for lunch, teaches them swear words, and buys for them when they are 16! on the other hand i guess they will need someone cool since i will probably be an evil mom.. oh and i guess i should read those chelsea handler books they sounded good but now i have confirmation. i might take you up on looking at the other ones for enjoyment 🙂 miss youu

  3. Rachel Gehrcke July 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    HA HA I like Pat the Zombie!! That’s hilarious!

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