Kids Say the Darndest Things: But that Doesn’t Mean it’s Funny

13 Jul
Today during work I was reminded that sometimes kids need to be slapped. Now hold it, I am in no way and advocate for child abuse. I’m not talking about corporal punishment; we’ve all seen Matilda, and who wasn’t scarred by the “Chokey”?


I am merely pointing out the fact that kids inevitably say things that are rude and/or obnoxious, and they should be punished or at least reprimanded; either in the form of stern words or a head-butt (your choice).
True Story:
I walk into an elevator. A mother and her two children are also there. One of the demons was about 5 years old (so of the age that he should have some sort of manners).
Devil (glaring at me): Who are you?
Me: Why don’t you guess? (Then noticing that his mother doesn’t think that’s very funny, I go in for a handshake.) I’m Nicole, nice to meet you.
Devil: I’m Jack.
Elevator opens and another woman walks in.
Devil (while staring): Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww. You look so old.
Lady (uncomfortable silence):  I guess to you I am.
All the mother does is laugh. She doesn’t even apologize, let alone tell her child to shut it. If that were me, my mother would give me “the look”. You know the glare that comes before the calm walk to the car when you think you might be in the clear, but after you safely buckle yourself in your seat a hand comes out of nowhere and hits you up beside the head. Yeah..that look.

Begging for intervention

Kid’s are similar to puppies, they’re hairy, smell funny and you never know where/when they are going to poop. They have to be trained, and the best way to do that is to instill fear into their tiny little brains. If you get flicked or have soap shoved in your mouth you will quickly learn not to do whatever you did to get said treatment again. While your’re at it, you might as well teach your child to do tricks. Don’t reward little Jack for putting away his toys, he should be doing that anyway. Give Jack candy after he picks up his toys, vacuums the house, dust the valuables and starts dinner. You can sip your wine, and Jack will one day turn into a great husband. Win, Win.
Disclaimer: I am not a mother (and probably shouldn’t be).

One Response to “Kids Say the Darndest Things: But that Doesn’t Mean it’s Funny”

  1. Megan Gorkiewicz July 13, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    I love your parenting tips!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: