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Why Do These Things Happen To Me: Gomez Family Vacation

10 Aug

With every family vacation comes arguments, tears, whining and overall hatred of one another by the end of the trip. It is inevitable, expected really. What I didn’t expect? Breaking a toilet, flooding a bathroom, throwing up in a sink, and a race baton made entirely out of tampons. Intrigued? Good. Keep reading, I want my site stats to go up.

1.)   Let’s start with the sink. My sister, mom and I are frantically running around the hotel room in an attempt to look decent enough for the wedding pictures we are about to take in an hour. Phone rings..scratch that hour of getting presentable and make it 40 minutes. Cue hysterics as I jump in the shower..because 3 days without washing my hair just won’t do in pictures next to more hygienic people. Hair-drying, curling, and makeup application are all done in the same steaming hot bathroom. Just as my mom is about to break down because she hates the way her hair looks (which I did), the color drains from my sisters face. “My dress is too tight,” is all she manages to muster out before she pukes right into the sink. She lays down, I kind of clean the sink with water, ignore the smell and continue to do my makeup and madres hair. We were 20 minutes late for pictures, but in the end we came out puke free, and my hair was washed. So I call that a win.

See..she turned out great!

2.)   Breaking and toilet and flooding the bathroom go hand it hand. I’m sure you have figured that out by now. After nearly 6 hours of dancing and slamming back gin and tonics sparkling water, I came up to the hotel room by myself and called it a night. Let’s fast forward to the toilet flooding…I am getting ready for bed before it takes me at least 5 minutes to figure out my me feet are wet. This is not one of those flooding incidents that stop after 2 minutes; it just keeps going. In my less than stellar state I use up all the towels, and then realize that this isn’t enough and the carpet is now soaking wet. I start to cry, call Max, and stand there until he comes with my 11 yr. old brother who is definitely smarter than me because he turns off the water supply in a matter of seconds. This is a kid who uses his “Jedi mind tricks” to open automatic doors. I hate myself.

This kid...

3.)   I’ll spare you details on this one. The most important thing to know is that this all began when the hotel bathroom ate my quarter. This wasn’t just any quarter either, it was my last one and I desperately needed the only thing that 25 cents can buy. I walk up to the front desk, praying to the lady product gods that a woman is working up front….yayy a lady, one small victory. In a real quiet voice as not to catch the attention of all the families around me I say, “Uhm, that bathroom thing ate my quarter. Do you happen to have anything?” I was expecting her to grab some keys and follow me back into the bathroom. Instead she pulls out 4 tampons, takes a piece of white computer paper and rolls them up inside. You know, because it’s not at all weird to carry around a white tube. I literally looked like I was holding track baton. Nicole Gomez, racing around the world to save the fellow lady population from the atrocities of mother nature and womanhood.

Source

So there you have it. That was real life, and instead of wallowing in self-pity I chose to tell you guys. Mistake? Maybe. Are you grossed/weirded out? Most definitely.

-Nicole

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2 Responses to “Why Do These Things Happen To Me: Gomez Family Vacation”

  1. Katie Young August 11, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    Definitely not grossed out or weirded out… More like dying laughing at the unfortunate 3rd story and the computer paper. Oh how I love your blog!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Ditched & Hitched « giraffelegs - September 20, 2011

    […] seems like every time I go to a wedding I become a little more obnoxious than last time. I mean, I definitely didn’t break a toilet or look like I was about to run the 100 meter […]

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