Jello & ABCs: Why Parents’ Are Afraid of College

2 Sep

Themed parties are not necessarily a new trend. Our grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles have most likely all partaken in themed festivities. The difference? While mother and father got all gussied up for a “Through the Decades” extravaganza, you on the other hand are putting together a makeshift outfit for that ABC party.

A- Anything

B- But

C- Clothes

Last year I went with the duct tape dress. I wanted to avoid duct tape if at all possible this year on account of never being able to sit down, not being able to use the ladies room (what am I gunna do, hike it up?), and sweating like 50+ obese man. I opted to wear a bandeau wrap some glitter tool around it, put on a skirt and call it a night. Did it do the job? Yes. Will my mom be proud of this picture? No, but at least I was on the more conservative side compared to a few others that night. I call that a win.

Getting Ready For Church

Other unnecessary/completely inappropriate college them parties

  1. Biker Hoes & Bicycles Bros. I could do without this one. There are no circumstances were I would willingly attend a party dressed in daisy dukes and leather while staring at a bunch of tipsy males in spandex biking shorts. No thank you.
  2. Stoplight Party. Wear green if your single, yellow if your unsure (what does that even mean?), and red if you are in a relationship. In my experience, single, unsure and taken all means the same thing to most college guys…try anyway. Again not a fan of this party either.
  3. Around The World. Each dorm room, floor, or house picks a country and decorates/serves drinks that correspond with the culture. Ex. Mexico-Margaritas, France-Champange, Germany-Beer, Cuba-Mojitos. Love this idea. Drink some fancy drinks while simultaneously becoming more cultured in such an educational environment. Yay learning.
  4. Jello Wrestling Party. I feel like there is no way to beat around the bush with this one. It sucks. Let’s be honest, the only reason man ever invented this party was so that he could watch uninhibited/insecure females grope each other in a pool of sticky sweetness. P.S. girlfran, that is no way to get a quality manfriend.
  5. Toga Party. Couldn’t pass this one up. Classic.


Have you been to any ridiculously themed parties? What were they?



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